In an aside that I promise will make sense in a minute, it’s important that I tell you we have a greyhound racing track in our neighbourhood. Whenever we feel like being a bit toothless and trashy, the Husband and I wander down to bet a gold coin on the cutest dog with the curliest tail.

Not unlike the obviously precise curly-tail system of choosing dogs that has so far made us very wealthy, I was going to base my designer choices on the scientific principles of I-don’t-think-they’re-famous or that’s-a-funny-name, (like Creatures of the Wind). I had a plan, see?

I had a plan until I saw the Marc Jacobs collection photos on The Sartorialist.

My former plan isn’t totally out the window, but it’s definitely on hold because today it’s imperative to pay homage to Marc Jacobs.

I love the askew mini-beret-head-scarf hybrids, the spotted everything, the colours that are at the same time muted and rich, the humpbacked coat and the funny little Wellington heel booties. Australian winter is just around the corner and now I have some great inspiration. It’s a brisk 26 celcius today, and for some perspective, consider that it was 46 celcius two weekends ago. I can’t wait for 20 degrees when I can crack out my mitts and my mini-beret. Brrrr.

Looking at the pieces I chose from what I thought was a pretty colourful collection, I think it’s safe to assume that I really like the colour navy. Like, a lot.

I’ve just been in Taipei for the wedding banquet of one of my bestest buddies and am now en route back home to Sydney. After an overnight flight tonight I’ll taxi straight to work and start my Tuesday. I’m going to be bleary eyed and grumpy, but I don’t mind. Before I settled into this uncomfortable seat, I found a Zara and did some shopping. And because modern technology is so magical (WiFi is free here), I can share the spoils of my conquest with you right this second.

I know we’re heading into summer in Sydney, but I just couldn’t resist this angora and cotton jumper. I love a good elbow patch. I’m pretty sure it makes me look more educated. Dr. Grace. When I wear this jumper, people are probably going to think I have a PhD or a talk show.

Sneaky striped raccoons after someone’s acorn stash? Don’t I know it. Bloody thieves.

I dare you to find me anything more majestic than an oversized sweatshirt with a scene of bears roaming through the forest.

In Barcelona, my talent was tested when the Husband and I wandered by the window of a beautiful shop called Lotusse. Even through the glare of the afternoon sun on the window, I could spot the buttery soft leather that only graces the dearest of shoes, and I knew I shouldn’t go in. It had been a very extravagant day of shopping (and a few moments of concern that my suitcase would be overweight), and I’d just vowed not to buy any more stuff. But then the shoes sang their siren song; I was rendered helpless. Here are the enchanting, wee Spanish brogues:

Lotusse has gorgeous shoes, handmade in Spain, and I wish they had an online store, or even just a website, so I could fall in love with more of their shoes and give them more of my money.

The careful hand stitching and lovely craftsmanship makes me imagine an old Spanish shoemaker with a round belly, bent over a long wooden bench in a little village workshop. Most of the day he perches on a stool, working smooth, perfect leather around lasts. Maybe he has a small team of elves to assist, and he passes the shoes off to them to do all the delicate stitching. At lunchtime, when it’s too hot to work, they retire to the cool kitchen of the main house, where the the shoemaker’s wife has laid out a merienda of crusty bread, a rainbow of olives, mild sheep’s milk cheese, a few links of sausage and a hearty red wine. After lunch, they go for siesta, each finding a solitary spot in in the house, and there they nap until the day cools down and it’s time to resume the shoemaking.

Elves and a round-bellied old Spanish man. Those are definitely the people who made my shoes.

Alas, I can’t claim credit for these very clever photos. They’re the handiwork of my lovely friend Xanthe, who is eternally in my good book for helping me organise my apartment last month and more recently, for showing me that the zoom on my camera is not the same thing as the focus. Go figure.

This Yves St Laurent ring is proof that evil and beauty can co-exist in perfect, over-priced harmony. FACT.

This ring is so beautiful I need to go find something soft to faint on. Too bad I don’t actually own this ring. Fainting is ever so inelegant when one’s fingers are unadorned.

Images: www.net-a-porter.com

In case turning 30 wasn’t in itself fancy-lady-making enough, my lovely, fabulous, sweet, thoughtful, handsome fiance gave me something that I’ll treasure forever and guard fiercely from the evils of ballpoint pen ink, blue jeans transfer stain and sun damage alike. Please say hello to Victoria, the ostrich leather jewel in the Chloe family crown.

She blasts crazy quantities of awesome into whatever I’m wearing, even if it’s just flannel pyjamas with bunny rabbits on them. When I walk down the street with her, (usually not in bunny rabbit pyjamas), I feel like the coolest girl on the planet who ever lived.

I’m a little afraid to take her on outings just in case I get caught in an unforeseen torrential downpour, or someone touches her with mucky fingers. People in my future, consider yourselves forewarned. Touch my handbag with mucky fingers and you will surely feel my wrath.

The miu miu collection in Paris last week raises the age old question: how many bows can be reasonably crammed onto one amazing shoe? Four, apparently:

Unless of course you add floral spat type things. Then the answer is two:

Spring is sprung,
the grass is riz.
I wonder where the birdies is?
They say the bird is on the wing,
but that’s absurd!
I thought the wing was on the bird.

That poem is totally inappropriate for this Fall/Winter post, not to mention the fact that I’m not in Canada anymore, so it’s actually fall where I live, not spring, but it was the first thing that came to mind when I thought “season.” Also, who can’t do with a good Dad Joke every once in a while.

Moving right along.

With the FW shows finishing up, I thought it was high time to get my act together and write a post, because I know you’re all DYING to know which totally expensive, beautiful designer garments I would buy if only I had that disposable income I keep requesting for my birthday every year. (Wealthy people in my life, that’s a hint. I need a benefactor to keep me well shod and clothed. In exchange, I’ll call you every day to tell you how smart and pretty you are, and how much everyone loves you, especially me.)

I haven’t included any of the New York shows because I wasn’t that impressed. Alexander Wang’s collection sums up what I didn’t like about a lot of the New York shows. There were too many exposed midriffs, thigh high stockings and and lumpy looking clothes and I guess I’m the last to notice, but the 90s are unfortunately back. I feel a bit mean and unfair singling out one designer to showcase what I didn’t like about some of the FW collections (especially since I think said designer is usually pretty damn amazing), so I’ll stop harping on the negative and talk about some collections that I did like.

Here we go with the crème de la crème of the FW collections in all their lovely, be-coated glory.

CELINE

Bow down to Phoebe Philo at Celine because she’s done it again, capturing a luxurious simplicity in the colour palette and cut of this collection. Her use of leather is a bit more restrained than in her SS10 collection; she features more leather embellishments rather than models kitted out head to toe.

Check out the silver pin at the collar of the dress below. This collection is about subtle details rather than sometimes unwearable, in-your-face prints and shapes.

PRADA

Maybe one day I’ll regret saying this, but Prada can do no wrong. The dainty but toasty-looking knee socks, swinging coats and dresses and graphic, messy plaids are brilliant. Anyone keen to join me in robbing a bank so we can go shopping at Prada? We wouldn’t steal more money than we needed, just enough for one outfit and maybe a taxi to the Prada shop and a champagne lunch afterwards. You know, the essentials.

RODARTE

Good thing I saved my money not buying Rodarte for Target, because now I’m that much closer to buying one of these looks from Rodarte. If I could even get my hands on a pair of the shoes, I would truly find meaning in this life.

TOPSHOP UNIQUE

And now for something completely different, and dare I say…Unique. (Oh man, I’m batting 1,000 with the lame jokes today)

I never imagined that uni-browed babes in the woods could look quite so deliciously warped and beautiful. Topshop Unique, I’ll be watching you for more beautiful work, but in an I-love-you way, not in a stalker way.

STELLA McCARTNEY

Since Topshop Unqiue just blew all of our minds, I thought I should finish up with something more subdued. Here’s Stella McCartney doing simple, beautiful tailoring like no one else can.

Notice the wide cuffs at the bottom of the pants. I might need to get a bit more money from that bank robbery to pick up a pair of these pants.

Of course there are a gazillion more looks I’d love to include, but this post is getting perilously close to essay length and I don’t want to blow up your computers with too many images and expressions of LOVE.

Images: www.style.com

Behold the perfect shade of camel, the wonderful soft wool and the way the sleeves end just above the wrist bones. Well done, Witchery.

For anyone who thinks that coats are for keeping you warm, here’s a little story that’ll learn ya:

Once, a few years ago, I donned a particularly amazing cropped-sleeve winter coat and went out to meet my lovely friend. Upon seeing that my bare arms were sticking out of my coat sleeves, my lovely friend asked me, “Don’t your arms get cold?” I gave her my best withering look and replied, “Being warm and comfortable is extremely passé.”

Sometimes we clothes horses have to deal with the scoffing questions of the practical set, but when you know that looking stylish is the epitome of all that is right and good in this world, being the subject of scoffing, (and having the occasional goosebump), is absolutely worth it.

I wonder when this beautiful camel coat will be available in stores. I may keel over in a dramatic faint from all this annoying WAITING.

Some people in my life may wish to note that my birthday is coming up at the end of next month and a gift of any one of these lovely pieces of clothing would knock my socks off.

The only thing I’m a bit dubious about is their choice of male model. He’s handsome and all, but does anyone else think he looks a bit like a vampire?

What are you looking at Vampire Lips? Probably gazing at something delicious. A human, no doubt.

Oh dear. He’s spotted us. I guess there’s no sense in running now.