The more pressing question is how is the Miu Miu FW11 collection like the Beastie Boys?

If you thought, same answer, crazy, you’d be wrong. Allow me to enlighten you.

Exhibit A

The Beastie Boys like to dress up,

and Miu Miu is all about dress up.

Exhibit B

Miu Miu’s collection is inspired by WWII-era ladylike stylings.

The Beastie Boys Hey Ladies video is inspired by 1970s funky lady stylings.

Exhibit C

I’ll admit my comparisons have been tenuous so far, but this exhibit is the irrefutable clincher. The exhibit to end all exhibits. In these three key looks:

Mrs. Prada is clearly channeling Ad Rock.

My case? Consider it rested.

In an aside that I promise will make sense in a minute, it’s important that I tell you we have a greyhound racing track in our neighbourhood. Whenever we feel like being a bit toothless and trashy, the Husband and I wander down to bet a gold coin on the cutest dog with the curliest tail.

Not unlike the obviously precise curly-tail system of choosing dogs that has so far made us very wealthy, I was going to base my designer choices on the scientific principles of I-don’t-think-they’re-famous or that’s-a-funny-name, (like Creatures of the Wind). I had a plan, see?

I had a plan until I saw the Marc Jacobs collection photos on The Sartorialist.

My former plan isn’t totally out the window, but it’s definitely on hold because today it’s imperative to pay homage to Marc Jacobs.

I love the askew mini-beret-head-scarf hybrids, the spotted everything, the colours that are at the same time muted and rich, the humpbacked coat and the funny little Wellington heel booties. Australian winter is just around the corner and now I have some great inspiration. It’s a brisk 26 celcius today, and for some perspective, consider that it was 46 celcius two weekends ago. I can’t wait for 20 degrees when I can crack out my mitts and my mini-beret. Brrrr.

Looking at the pieces I chose from what I thought was a pretty colourful collection, I think it’s safe to assume that I really like the colour navy. Like, a lot.

The miu miu collection in Paris last week raises the age old question: how many bows can be reasonably crammed onto one amazing shoe? Four, apparently:

Unless of course you add floral spat type things. Then the answer is two:

Spring is sprung,
the grass is riz.
I wonder where the birdies is?
They say the bird is on the wing,
but that’s absurd!
I thought the wing was on the bird.

That poem is totally inappropriate for this Fall/Winter post, not to mention the fact that I’m not in Canada anymore, so it’s actually fall where I live, not spring, but it was the first thing that came to mind when I thought “season.” Also, who can’t do with a good Dad Joke every once in a while.

Moving right along.

With the FW shows finishing up, I thought it was high time to get my act together and write a post, because I know you’re all DYING to know which totally expensive, beautiful designer garments I would buy if only I had that disposable income I keep requesting for my birthday every year. (Wealthy people in my life, that’s a hint. I need a benefactor to keep me well shod and clothed. In exchange, I’ll call you every day to tell you how smart and pretty you are, and how much everyone loves you, especially me.)

I haven’t included any of the New York shows because I wasn’t that impressed. Alexander Wang’s collection sums up what I didn’t like about a lot of the New York shows. There were too many exposed midriffs, thigh high stockings and and lumpy looking clothes and I guess I’m the last to notice, but the 90s are unfortunately back. I feel a bit mean and unfair singling out one designer to showcase what I didn’t like about some of the FW collections (especially since I think said designer is usually pretty damn amazing), so I’ll stop harping on the negative and talk about some collections that I did like.

Here we go with the crème de la crème of the FW collections in all their lovely, be-coated glory.

CELINE

Bow down to Phoebe Philo at Celine because she’s done it again, capturing a luxurious simplicity in the colour palette and cut of this collection. Her use of leather is a bit more restrained than in her SS10 collection; she features more leather embellishments rather than models kitted out head to toe.

Check out the silver pin at the collar of the dress below. This collection is about subtle details rather than sometimes unwearable, in-your-face prints and shapes.

PRADA

Maybe one day I’ll regret saying this, but Prada can do no wrong. The dainty but toasty-looking knee socks, swinging coats and dresses and graphic, messy plaids are brilliant. Anyone keen to join me in robbing a bank so we can go shopping at Prada? We wouldn’t steal more money than we needed, just enough for one outfit and maybe a taxi to the Prada shop and a champagne lunch afterwards. You know, the essentials.

RODARTE

Good thing I saved my money not buying Rodarte for Target, because now I’m that much closer to buying one of these looks from Rodarte. If I could even get my hands on a pair of the shoes, I would truly find meaning in this life.

TOPSHOP UNIQUE

And now for something completely different, and dare I say…Unique. (Oh man, I’m batting 1,000 with the lame jokes today)

I never imagined that uni-browed babes in the woods could look quite so deliciously warped and beautiful. Topshop Unique, I’ll be watching you for more beautiful work, but in an I-love-you way, not in a stalker way.

STELLA McCARTNEY

Since Topshop Unqiue just blew all of our minds, I thought I should finish up with something more subdued. Here’s Stella McCartney doing simple, beautiful tailoring like no one else can.

Notice the wide cuffs at the bottom of the pants. I might need to get a bit more money from that bank robbery to pick up a pair of these pants.

Of course there are a gazillion more looks I’d love to include, but this post is getting perilously close to essay length and I don’t want to blow up your computers with too many images and expressions of LOVE.

Images: www.style.com

Behold the perfect shade of camel, the wonderful soft wool and the way the sleeves end just above the wrist bones. Well done, Witchery.

For anyone who thinks that coats are for keeping you warm, here’s a little story that’ll learn ya:

Once, a few years ago, I donned a particularly amazing cropped-sleeve winter coat and went out to meet my lovely friend. Upon seeing that my bare arms were sticking out of my coat sleeves, my lovely friend asked me, “Don’t your arms get cold?” I gave her my best withering look and replied, “Being warm and comfortable is extremely passé.”

Sometimes we clothes horses have to deal with the scoffing questions of the practical set, but when you know that looking stylish is the epitome of all that is right and good in this world, being the subject of scoffing, (and having the occasional goosebump), is absolutely worth it.

I wonder when this beautiful camel coat will be available in stores. I may keel over in a dramatic faint from all this annoying WAITING.

I have this suspicion not because I think he’s evil, or because I feel cold when I look into his eyes, but because I don’t know how any person could come up with season after season of such intensely complicated, beautiful clothes without having engaged in a dodgy transaction with a seriously powerful counterparty. Who needs private equity money when you have Satan?

Today I’m in the mood to take a little walk down memory lane with one of the most talented designers on the planet. A mid-career retrospective on some of my favourite McQueen looks. It’s a long walk, so you better put on some flats.

RESORT 2010

Resort wear? Must be a pretty amazing resort. Who wouldn’t want a weird bug-inspired dress or pair of leggings?

FALL/WINTER 2008

If the Little Prince had lived in British Raj India instead of being a lonely, far-away asteroid-dweller, I think his girlfriends probably would have worn stuff like this:

I need a gown made from chicken feathers RIGHT NOW.

This heavy red satin bolero is deadly cool. It looks like McQueen pried two roses open and stuffed the model’s arms through the centre of the petals. LOVE.

I didn’t think decadence and luxury like this existed anymore, but here they are, lovingly stitched on the bodice of this beautiful gown.

It’s Alice! Doesn’t her skirt look so cuddly?

Easter Racing Carnival hat anyone? It can double as a very cool fireplace screen in a pinch.

FALL/WINTER 2009

I am so disturbed right now that I might need someone to hold me. What was he thinking when he came up with this stuff? Those blood red and black clown mouths look downright depraved.

And what about this white feathered bondage nest? I’d say it’s f’d up, but then my mom would get mad at me for swearing on my blog again.

PRE-FALL 2009

One part dominatrix, one part A Clockwork Orange. If I was a girl droog, (which I suppose is an oxymoron, since those droogs were such misogynistic little bastards), this is what I would wear. And I would whip Alex and his gang of white pants wearing, walking stick wielding, moloko drinking hooligans into shape with my riding crop.

If only you could really wear an outfit like this in the snow. Between the argyle tights and the open-faced balaclava, you’d be so toasty. Unfortunately snowy weather dictates you wear hideous things like “sensible shoes” and “loose pants with long underwear underneath.” Might as well give up now, slob around in trackies and use public bathrooms while barefoot like Britney.

SPRING/SUMMER 2010

I love how the prints of the SS10 collection morph from snake/lizard to rust, gold and black hued swirls to gorgeous dark florals, to ice queen blues and silvers with contrasting touches of orange. So much outrageous visual gluttony.

One strategically placed sweep of stiff plastic:

And one not so strategically placed sweep of stiff plastic misses its mark. The model looks a bit like a boy, but somehow the androgyny looks really good here. Fashion forward Star Trek-like aliens don’t get all tangled up with silly gender labels anyway.

I wonder how they got her hair so tall.

I know this has been intense, so let’s take a little breather and look at some nice, subdued black booties.

And now I’ll sign off with my favourite shoe on the planet. I wonder if I should get a bigger Christmas stocking so that Santa will be able to fit these shoes in it?

All photos source: www.style.com

Brightly coloured coats are a great way to enliven a drab winter wardrobe and lift your spirits during colder months. Unless you’re lucky enough to live in a perma-sunny climate, then winter is grey and ick and ack and yuck. It rains, daylight is fleeting and people pout a lot. Everyone wears black, charcoal or some other shade of boring. In your yellow coat, you can be the little ray of sunshine, meandering down the street in that elegant way that you meander.

On that note, this northern hemisphere fall, American company JCrew, ever the trickster after my wallet, has come out with yet another must-have yellow jacket . Last year, they had a long, wasp-yellow coat with giant snap closures and a big gorgeous bow at the neck. Australia is a little bit too hot for such a long, woolly coat, but I made it work. It got trotted out on a few chilly Sydney nights, and sometimes, when no one is home, I put it on and swan around the house in various yellow coat-featuring outfits. I’m not joking.

This fall, they’ve got a three button wool pea coat in “bright butternut” that marries band geek chic with a little dash of entitled private school brat. Look at the model. She’s thinking, Yeah, my hair is messy. My shirt is untucked. So send me to the principal’s office. I dare you.

Photo: www.jcrew.com

Too. Much. Awesomeness. Can’t. Breathe.

And how serendipitous that I happen to have three hours to kill in Seattle amid the downtown shops when I fly there from Sydney on my way home to Canada this week. Is it serendipity, or have I been planning it all along? The shopping and I, we’re a wily pair.

I’ve been making good use of the time leading up to my trip, Googling American companies that don’t have stores in Canada so that I can make the most of my precious few hours in Seattle. In the same mall as the JCrew store, there’s also a Victoria’s Secret where I plan to run wild.

I will have just walked off an 18 hour flight, tired and confused. I will have gone back in time two days, simply by crossing the International Dateline. I will be in the most wonderful, affordable lingerie store on earth. There will be no one to rein me in. Good spending judgement will not be a strong point. Looking into my crystal ball, I forsee some credit card-crippling expenditure in my future.